Patrick O'Connell

Them Be Drums I Hear!

My son Declan plays the drums now. Delcan has a kit of his own our house is filled with the racket of his practice. And I love every minute of it.

He started taking lessons from my friend Kenneth in the Fall. Kenneth also plays in the Restore band. I've dreamed that my kids would love music (check) and that they'd play an instrument of their choosing (check).

Declan and I talk about music all of the time. He's always asking me what are my favorite drummers. Hands down, it's John Bonham of Led Zeppelin. So now we listen to lots of Led Zeppelin together.

Kenneth not only teaches Declan how to play the drums but he inspires him. That's huge. There's only so much I can do as a Dad to inspire my kids. We parents need help from the people around us. I am grateful to Kenneth.

Who are the kids around you that need you to isnpire them?

Parental Guidance Required

We just finished a study in our small group called Parental Guidance Required.  It's a Northpoint Resource that I highly recommend if you have children.

At the conclusion of the study, our group leader Scott asked, "what have we learned during this study?" The following is my summary. I provided it with the hope you will be inspired to complete the study yourself:

1. Relationships--not experiences--are the keys to successful parenting.
2. The three key relationships which impact our kids lives are a) relationship with God b) relationships with parents c) relationships with others outside the home. As parents we need to learn to dial in or dial out these influences in the lives of our children.
3. Parents are responsible for the spiritual leadership of our children. We need to ask ourselves: a) who do I want them to become? b) Where are they now? c) How can I help them take the next step?
4. Parenting is all about influence. Without influence parenting loses its effectiveness.
5. Parents need to be able to determine when they can move out of the control phase and into the influence phase.
6. Friends can have an huge influence on the lives of our children and parents must be able to influence these friendships for them to be effective.

If you're a parent, I pray that this will inspire you to check out this study for yourself.

We Got Our Copy of Harry Potter

Well we did it. Bailie and I were in line at Midnight this past Friday night to buy a copy of the new and final (we shall see) Harry Potter novel.

The saga began Friday when I stopped at our neighborhood Barnes & Noble after work on and waited in line for a wristband so that I could come back later that night (around 11:00PM) and wait in line--again--for our chance to plop down $21 bucks on the Harry Potter novel. I actually went to bed and set the alarm for 11:00PM.

When we got there the store was packed. Yes, some of the people where dressed in costume and the atmosphere was positively festive.

Because I had waited for a bracelet, we were in the second group offered a chance to buy a book. At Midnight they started selling books. The line moved rather quickly and once we got our copy we hurried out. I told Bailie she could read two chapters of the book and then it was time for bed.

I didn't wait for her. As soon as I got home I went back to bed glad that I had the chance to spend some quality time with Bailie yet glad that it was all over.

Finding His Passion

Our son Declan has taken to the piano. I think it's safe to tell you that his passion for the Titanic has waned and has now become the piano. We are fortunate enough to own an upright that I purchased from a client of mine a couple of years ago. He spends (by my count at least) 30-45 minutes a day practicing. Our house is filled with the notes of Hedwig's Theme (from Harry Potter); Beethoven's Ode to Joy; and the theme to Star Wars which is in heavy rotation.

His demeanor changes when he's playing the piano: Suddenly he is focused and attentive. He strives to get the notes correct and at the right tempo.

It's been marvelous to watch my son discover this passion. It's reminded me that one of the key focuses of my life must be helping my children find their passions.

Have You Talked To Your Kids About God Today?

Do you make time to talk to your kids about God everyday?

Bloggers Mark and Ellen Strohm over at Loving Limits recently wrote  a post called, The Calling on the Life of a Parent. Using the teachings of Psalm 78, they call on parents to teach their children about God everyday. Inspiring stuff.

How to Show Your Kids Appreciation

Kids need to know you appreciate them.

Here are five ways to show your children how much you appreciate them. They are not mine--I learned them in a seminar--but I try to use them as frequently as possible.

1. "I appreciate you for being in my life."
2. "I appreciate you so much for helping me with _______."
3. "I really like it when you ________ ."
4. "You did a great job _______ and I appreciate all of the hard work you put into it."
5. "One of the parts of who you are I appreciate is ________."

Go ahead, give one of them a try today.

Listneing Points

My two boys--like all kids I suspect--have a little difficulty listening from time to time. So this past weekend, knowing that my wife and daughter were going to be away and that I would be with the boys, I decided to try a little game and have the boys earn 'Listening Points.' Don't tell them but I made it up as I went along. I figure some spectacular parenting is done ad hoc.

It was Friday evening. Nancy had departed for Fusion and I was trying to get the boys dressed to go to a neighbor's house for a birthday party. They weren't listening. I had to tell them each two or three times to get their boots on; CD kept wandering off to play with the dog and Declan wanted to bring a toy with him. I felt myself becoming more frustrated. And that's when it came to me:

"Huddle up boys," I said. I kneeled down and looked them each in the eye. "O.K. Here we are with the whole weekend ahead of us. What I've decided to do is give you each one listening point for each time you do something I ask the first time. Each time I ask you do something and you don't, you lose a listneing point."

The points worked like a charm. They wanted me to keep score on a pad of paper which I did and left out on the table where they could see it. We did have some zeros for awhile (especially by Saturday night) but we woke early Sunday and cleaned the house and therefore they had the opportunity to earn a bunch back. As soon as I asked them to do something they were clamoring to do it right away in order to earn a point.

I've decided that each Listening Point is worth a dollar that can be redeemed only for books. Both of them are ecstatic with this.

I know it sound simplistic but playing these sort of creative games with our kids really works.

Star Student

On Tuesday my wife and I spent the morning with my three-year old Cormac at his preschool. The occasion was that he was Star-Student. This special privilege only comes around a few times a year and you would think by all of his excitement that he's been elected President of the United States.

There are special privileges that come with the the Star-Student status:

1. You get to be line leader for all activities. (This is absolutely the best part according to Cormac.)
2. You get to bring the class your favorite snack (in this case it was cheese-chips and apple juice). Not only this, you get to pass out the treats to all of your classmates.
3. You get to bring in a poster with pictures of your family and tell the class all about them.
4. You are the first one to choose your 'Center' activity and because most of the kids want to play with the Play-Doh and there's only a limited amount of spots, this is a BIG deal.
5. You Mommy and Daddy are invited to spend the day at class with you.

I'll admit it: I had a blast. I was able to meet all of his cool friends and ask his teacher all sorts of questions about the curriculum. Still, I got a little melancholy watching Cormac interact in an environment that I don't control. Boy it's hard watching them grow-up.

Titanicmania!

Saturday morning, as we were driving, my seven year old Declan and I were discussing--again--the Titanic.

You see, he entered this Titanic Period about a month ago and it has only grown more intense. He reads about the doomed ship; he can tell you facts about the ship size; the amount of provisions they took on; the passenger list; the fact that the youngest passenger was 9 months old; he's drawn pictures of the ship; he bought a book and is now researching (taking notes--really) about the construction of the ship. He's read up about icebergs. He's asked for a model of the Titanic for Christmas and wants more books. He asks about everyday if he can watch the Titanic movie. (He's seen the movie once--with his grandmother--and that was not with my permission.) We watched one documentary about it, but that all. He's learned all of his facts from books and the Internet.

So we were driving and he was talking about the Titanic and the fact that he 'doesn't get' how the ship would break apart like it did. I said, again (with a smile) that I had no idea. He blurted out another fact about the ship speed at impact with the iceberg when I asked him, why he wasn't interested in aircraft carriers or battleships or something cool like that? 

He paused and said quite confidently, 'look Dad, I am just into big ships that experience disaster.'

'Of course,' I said and heard another barrage of facts about the Titanic.

He's already told me that one day he wants to visit the wreck by submarine. (I told him he'd have to go to college and become an oceanographer to do that: he said he'd do it if he got to see the wreck.) Oh, and he prays for the souls of all of the people who died in the tragedy...

And I Almost Got Rid of the Piano...

Our middle son is now obsessed with the piano.

Several weeks ago a friend invited him to a lesson with her daughter. Since then our house has been full of music because our son won't stop playing the piano. We can't keep him away from it.

Fortunately, we do have a decent piano for him to play.

Two years ago a client of mine and I were talking. The topic of music came up. Well, by the end of the conversation I had agreed to buy her upright piano with the intention that I might take lessons. She would only take a modest amount for what is really a decent piano and the deal was complete.  But I never did get around to those lessons.

In fact, several times this year mentioned to my wife that we ought to sell it. She refused noting that it was a good place to display family pictures.

Fast forward to this month and that lesson. Now our son sits there for hours (really) and plays. He hammers out Ode to Joy and Jingle Bells over and over and over.

And to think, I almost got rid of the piano...