Patrick O'Connell

A Circle

I am dealing with an issue in my life. It's causing me frustration and guilt. I prayed last night about it--again. I've been praying about this issue for awhile but it seems my prayer hasn't been answwered.

Last night was different. I began praying about this issue. Once again I asked God for help and strength just as I've done before. But last night, I realized I was praying the wrong prayer. I have been asking God to provide what I already have.

Last night I realized I already have the courage and strength to deal with the issue. I have the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life and so I have all of the power. No, this is a vision issue for me. It comes down to this: Am I going to be the man God wants me to be or I am I going to keep choosing my own way in this area.

Today I am drawing a circle around this issue. I am not to keep praying about it; keep circling it in prayer. And while I pray about it I am also going to be obedient to what God is asking me to do about it.

 

Leading by Hand

If you're leading people I have a question for you: How often do you write handwritten thank you cards to the people on your teams?

Emails and verbal affirmations don't count. I am talking about sitting down and writing words on a card with a pen. There's something intimate about the act of handwriting that the person receiving the note connects with. 

If you can't remember may I encourage you to start writing. Not only are you missing  out on an opportunity to show gratitude but you're missing out as a leader. People aren't going to care about you, your vision, or your plans until they know you care about them. Leadership is a people thing. The sooner you let people know you appreciate them the better it's going to be for everyone.

Two years ago I set a goal of writing three thank you cards every week to the people who contribute on my ministry teams. I write them and then pray for the person I am thanking and get it into the mail.

I hope my contributors appreciate the card. I want them to know how grateful I am for each of them. But the real benefit of writing cards has been personal. The practice has helped me grow as a leader. I have come to realize every one of our contributors brings something unique to the table. 

I use the time it takes me to write the card to pray for the person.During the five minutes it takes me to write the card, I am focused on the person and thinking about the things that I can do to help them grow.

Writing thank you cards is a great way to build humility into the rhythm of the leader's life.

If you do thank your team with handwritten letters, how often do you write them? I'd love to know the details.

It's Hard But Do The Work

I often resolve to complete a task or project but then find my enthusiasm wane when the cold reality of the work hits. Getting things done is hard. I am a creature of habit prone to find the path of least resistance. (Mostly this works to my advantage, but not always.) I tend to give-up on the most important projects and finish the smaller less meaningful ones. But I know that if I am to make a real difference in the world I need to be able to finish the big projects along with the little ones.

If you've started something and now find yourself losing enthusiasm, I want to encourage you. Do the work. It's hard but in the end, as you're leaning back basking in the glory of an accomplishment, you'll be glad you did.

Saying You're Sorry is Hard

"Sorry." Still hard for me to say.

Apologizing is good. But saying you're sorry is more, well, humbling.

Last week I did something to my wife that I needed to say I was sorry for. (Don't think for a moment I am going to give you the nasty details.) Let's just say that after nearly 20 years of marriage, I can still be an ass.

So I needed to tell her I was sorry--and I did. But it was hard. (I know--keep stating the obvious right.) What I am learning is that I am saying sorry sooner these days.

Back in the day it might take me a month or more before I would utter that word: "Sorry." Those were the days!

And then I started saying sorry sooner--just a matter of days. Now it's just a matter of hours.

You see, it's hard to apologize. But it's the key to building trust and openness in a relationship. The sooner you do it, the quicker you can move on.

One day I might just get to the point where I can apologize right away. Wouldn't that be great.

Church Planter Assessment

I believe in the assessing church planters. For the second time in a year I've had the privilege of serving as an assessor. My role was to watch candidate planters in a series of exercises to help discern their strengths and weaknesses as planters.

I was assessed in the summer of 2007 along with the rest of the original Restore staff. The process wasn't easy but it helped me understand myself in the context of church planting. I can't imagine planting a church not knowing what I learned in that assessment.

Last weekend I travelled to Joplin, Missouri to help assess some candidates. While I am sworn to secrecy about the details of the assessment, I can't imagine a better way for a planter to begin experiencing the realities of launching a church.

If you feel God calling you to plant a church may I suggest you attend an assessment with your spouse.

 

TV Fast for Lent

I've decided to fast from television for Lent. My estimate is that will give me 3 to 4 hours back every week. I have nothing against TV. I am just trying to become more wise how I spend my time.

As I've grown older I am more sensitive to the finite nature of my time.  I am not interested in being more productive  with my extra time. I suspect I'll just read more. In fact, last week I sat down and read a book about the Civil War in Missouri. I would not have added that to my reading list unless I had the extra time.

If I am going to honor God with my life I must be willing to offer every part of it to him. My time is on the offering table.

Ask for Leadership Feedback

If you're a leader I have a suggestion to help you grow: Ask your closet peer leaders to give you feedback about your leadership. Give them permission to tell you the areas where you need to grow to lead at the next level. Don't hold back--tell them they need to be brutally honest with you.

When I first arrived in Kansas City as a church planter I struggled to get my bearings. I had lead in the military and in the corporporate world. But ministry was a different challenge. Six months after the launch of Restore I found myself sinking.

A trusted friend suggested I go to each of the leaders on my team and ask them to help me grow. While the idea of being vulnerable wasn't pleasant, I knew it was the only way to get to the next level. What I learned in my feedback conversations was both painful and illuminating. Since then I've been able to navigate my weaknesses better while building on my strengths. Had I not allowed my peers to be honest with me, I am not sure I'd still be in ministry.

If you're stuck or you're wallowing or you just don't know how to take your leadership to the next level, ask the leaders around you for honest feedback. While this can be painful, their assessment of your leadership will pay huge dividends for you in the long run.

A Little Ditty About the Atheist

The atheist believes that the Christian has merely deluded herself into believing that Jesus is alive.  The atheist views Christianity as one of many choices and therefore discount it as another misguided attempt to explain the universe. What the atheist doesn't understand is that very few Christians choose to believe in a risen Christ. The Spirit of God convicts her to the reality of Jesus.

The atheist doesn't understand that the Christian has not merely chosen a world-view. For the serious Christian choosing to be a Christian is in-congruent to Biblical teaching. Christianity is not one of many religions.' Christianity claims to explain all of reality. The atheist may offer science as evidence there is no God, but they miss the mark as to why the Christian believes what she does.

I speak as a former atheist. I speak as one convinced that the preposterous stories of a risen Jesus were just that--preposterous. But now I believe Jesus rose from the dead because the Spirit of God has convicted me.

The atheist cannot fathom a God that would convict of his reality.

The Scale of Leadership

There is a disconnect between the leadership of Jesus we find in the Gospels and what we find in most churches. Jesus was satisfied to lead a few. We try to lead many.

The church is enthusiastic about leadership. We have leadership conferences and workshops and books and seminars. All of them are designed to grow you and I into better leaders. Like anything, there are pros and cons to this strategy.

I see the problem as one of scale. Jesus led a small group. He had influence over many. But he spent most of his time with a small group of people and led through them. He was relational and intimate with a few.

I am not sure if there's any one way to lead. Certainly we can't all lead like Jesus. But it seems to me that we ought to slow down a bit and learn to acknowledge the scale in which God calls us to lead and embrace it.

 

Four Places to Find Confirmation

A friend is in a season of discernment. He is trying to hear from God about specific steps they believe God is calling him to take.

"How will I know this is God's will for me," he asked?

I suggested he get confirmation in ALL four of these areas:

1. Scripture: Unless you are spending time reading scripture every day it will be diffiuclt for you to hear from God.
2. Community: The communuity around you should both confirm and affirm what God is telling you.
3. Prayer: You should be spending lots of time in prayer and being honest with God about knowing His will.
4. Circumstances: The circumstances around will confirm that this is the right next step for you.

If you are only hearing from God in one or two areas, I suggest you wait. Be patient until you are hearning Him in all four areas.